I picked the wrong day to quit barbiturates

I picked the wrong day to quit barbiturates

Here's what happened yesterday:

Working on the Western, we saw (by "we" I mean "other people") our first rattlesnake, a baby hanging out at the back of our set. Apparently babies are more dangerous than the adults. They can't control their venom, so once they bite they just keep squirting.

+ We (and this time I actually mean me and someone else) also saw a little gopher snake on the side of the road. When the site representative came to get it, he announced that it was dead. It's head was mushier than a typical gopher snake's head, indicating that it had received some kind of trauma to the head. Forensics is still working to determine whether the blow to the head was the result of a successful homicide attempt or whether the blow was self-inflicted. We'll learn more after the autopsy. No suspects were taken into custody, but we plan on gathering all the people on set in a parlor room, recounting everyone's actions step-by-step throughout the day, then dramatically revealing the killer with pieces of evidence we never talked about before that moment...assuming it was a homicide.

I got a new phone. It refuses to activate.

I discovered that my checking account had been blocked. Apparently I made too many transactions using my card one of the days when Kate was in town, and they turned the spigot to "off". I took care of that one this morning.

Even though I reminded my AD's (assistant directors) periodically throughout the week that I needed Stacy Keach's address because I'm his driver for the rest of the show, but I realized at the end of the last night that I didn't yet have it. I asked one of the other PA's who'd driven him the first week what his address was, and she recited it to me from memory including giving me directions on how to get there from my apartment. I checked the address she gave me online, and it sends me downtown when Keach lives in Beverly Hills. From my apartment, the two are in the opposite directions. *sigh*

We start working splits today (half day/half night) so most of my co-workers are sleeping in. Now I have to wait for an appropriate time to call one of them to get the phone number of the production office so that I can get Keach's address for peace of mind. Poot.

I tried out a new phrase I heard from my friend Nikki and from one of the hip-hop stations in town. The phrase? "I'm 'onna straight up clown yo' ass!" Apparently it means "to make a fool of a person after which the person seems clown-like to others". It only took my seven times using it in various situations before the Key PA told me I used it properly. Por ejemplo:

* * *

CRAFTY puts a toothpick in a cube of cheese.

ME
Man, you straight up clowned that bitch! ...possibly...

KEY PA
Wrong.

* * *

KEY PA uses the old "wiggly-black-rope-looks-like-venomous-snake-in-the-dark" gag on another PA.

ME
You just straight clowned her ass?

KEY PA
Right. Good.

High five.

END

* * *

Our on-set wardrobe lady got a cal from her mother's work that her mother had been in a car accident with some ladies from work and only a baby survived. Half an hour later she received another phone call saying that her mother had decided to take her own car because she was going straight to a client after their meeting instead of back to work. Her mother was in the car behind the accident and survived. Her mother's friends, however, didn't make it. It was just her mother and a baby.

There are still two days left in the week.

D