The transient dead cat blues

The transient dead cat blues

Cloned Cat Sale Generates Ethics Debate

So a Texas woman whose cat died brought some of her belated feline's DNA to California company--I swear to fucking Christ this is the company's real name--Genetic Savings and Clone to have her dead cat cloned for a $50,000 pittance. Nothing like a pun in your name to make people take your genetic research seriously.

* * *

WOMAN
(Holding the remains of her cat)
Excuse me?

DNA TECHNICIAN/CUSTOMER SUPPORT
(Speaking into the phone, flashing the "one minute" finger at the WOMAN)
Yeah. Yeah. Uh-huh. Uh-hahahaha! That's so Judy! Ohoho-ha-hmmmmm.
(Off of the WOMAN's glare)
Yeah, Dr. Clonenstein, I've gotta go. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Doctor! I've got a customer here! Uh-huh. Well, we'll see later on, won't we, Doctor? 'K bye.
(turning to the woman)
Welcome to Genetic Savings and Clone! (NOTE: That still sounds fucking fake to me.) How can we be of service today?

WOMAN
(plopping her dead cat on the counter)
My cat. I think it's broken.

CUSTOMER SUPPORT
Hmmm. Well, we can have our technicians look at it or--if you still have a valid warranty--we can just give you a new one. There will be a $50,000 cloning fee if you do choose that option, however.

WOMAN
Oh, fuck it. I've had this one for seventeen years already, and I've got more money than God. Just clone me a new one.

CUSTOMER SUPPORT
Okay, ma'am. There will be a 5-7 wait for cloning time and shipping and handling. Will that be cash, check or credit?

WOMAN
Cash, bitch. I'm fucking made of money.

Then they kiss.

FIN

* * *

What's the deal, lady? You can't find a cat with a similar temperment as your old one for a under a grand or what? This is exactly the kind of shit I'm going to do once my rap album goes triple platinum. I guess what they say is true: "Money makes you a crazy bitch."

D