It's like real life, except fiction!

It's like real life, except fiction!

Hey guys. I thought you might like some indication on what kinds of things I've been writing or what kinds of things I have in mind to write. One is a TV series simply called PA's. It's about--you guessed it--life behind-the-scenes in the movie business told from the perspective of the lowest common denominator: the production assistants. Here are a few first draft scenes I've banged out.

Phantom flat episode - flat's discovery



INT. SOUNDSTAGES

Dolly shot carrying a PA walking through the soundstage. We
dolly past a flat with support struts on both sides and no
adornments on either of the sides. The PA walks by out of
frame. After a few seconds, he walks backward to the flat
with-no-purpose. He peaks his head around one side and looks
at the struts. He leans back over and looks at the struts on
the other side. A member of the art department walks by.

PA
Hey, man. What's, uh...what's the
point of this flat here?

ART D
(looks at the flat, leans
over and in a hushed
voice)
We messed up.

PA
(whispers)
Yeah. You did. What's it supposed
to be?

ART D
(whispers)
It's supposed to be the conference
room set.

PA
(whispers)
Dude, what the fuck? That's where
we're supposed to be all day
tomorrow.

ART D
(whispers)
Shhhh! We're working on it.

PA
(whispers)
No, you're not. There hasn't been
a stage art department member
around here all day.

ART D
Well, I--
(runs off squealing)

PA
Hey. Hey!
(beat)
Fucking art department...


* * *

Bruce and the purring cat scene



INT. SOUNDSTAGES

BRUCE, the on-set dresser, sits brooding in a corner. He
wears all black: a melodramatic goth kid with a profound
sense of self-importance. A spotlight shines on him from
above. He slowly strokes a white, long-haired
cat that sits in his lap.

1ST AD
(over walkie)
Bruce, on-set dresser...?

BRUCE reaches over to a table near him, delicately picks up
his walkie with his left hand and depresses the send button
with his right index finger.

BRUCE
Bruce here.

1ST AD
Could you come to set? We're
resetting the room.

BRUCE
I shall be there.

BRUCE carelessly (and somewhat violently) tosses the cat off
screen frame-left. He stands and walks the ten feet to set,
his lap covered in white fur. He strides over to a large
desk held at three corners by grips, PA's or whomever.
They're obviously struggling. BRUCE steps to the empty
corner, slightly adjusts a stack of files on the desk, then
begins to step away...

PA
Bruce! Grab that corner, man!

BRUCE rolls his eyes and lets out a "the things they make me
do" sigh. He grabs a corner, and the quartet moves the desk
to its original place. BRUCE storms off back to his chair.
He stews for a moment. He snaps his fingers. The white cat
flies onto his lap from off-screen frame-left.



CLOSE-UP OF BRUCE'S TOP-LIT FACE.

BRUCE
(arching his fingers, dramatic music plays)
This crew has mistreated me for far
too long. They'll soon learn to
respect me, though. Oh yes, they
most certainly will learn...

We cut to a long shot of BRUCE in his chair. The music has stopped. He once again strokes the cat in his lap. We hear people working in the
background, furniture being moved, people being called over
walkie, etc. Overwhelmingly, however, we hear a certain sleeping
cat's contented purring...


* * *

I think Bruce is one of my favorite characters so far. He's so unlike any on-set dresser I've ever met, so it's just funny to think what a person like this would actually be like on a set.

The series would be a kind of documentary-style absurdist comedy that would follow the arc of the production assistants--and a few other tangential characters, obviously--through their first movie working together.

Another fun thing I'm working on is about this comic book-y esoteric/corporate detective agency called Dr. V & the Kid. It'll have some subtitle once I iron out who precisely the first villians will be. They'll do stuff like prevent the zombie apocalypse and uncover Illuminati doomsday plots. Those are for the sequels, however, which leave me kind of stuck on who should be the unlucky souls to cross their paths in the first movie. The Kid will be the infiltrator into enemy territory while Dr. V will work the computers. The dynamic between the two characters will be similar to that between Batman and Robin in The Dark Knight Returns except Robin, in this case, will still be a dude.

So besides getting the headshots and making the demo reel, that's what I've been wracking my brains on since (and during) McBride. Let me know what you guys think.

D